Mahusiano Kuelekea Ndoa - 4

Na Sir Azgard Stephen

Azgard na mkewe

Shalom wana wa Asafu. Leo nataka nizungumzie swali la 3 linalohusu kukataliwa, au kibuti kama wahusika wanavyoita.

Hili ni miongoni mwa mambo mabaya kwa vijana, kupeleka proposal kisha kukataliwa.

Nianze kwa kusema, kibuti ni ishara ya "premature proposal." Kunaweza kukawa na sababu nyingine, lakini kwa kweli hii ndio main.

'Premature proposal, ni pale unapopeleka hoja kwa mdada bila kumuandaa vya kutosha.

Yaani unamuona mdada, unampenda, unatamani awe mkeo baadae. Unachofanya unafanya unachokiita uchunguzi, kisha ukijiridhisha unaenda kuomba. Unamkamata kwenye ulimwengu wa Roho, unajiwekea na ishara huko. Eti nikienda kumwambia aseme ndio, akisema hapana au nipe muda huyo sio wangu!!! Unaenda dada anakutolea macho, hakuelewi. Unamuona shetani mkuuubwa.

Well, sikosoi juhudi za watu katika hilo, kama nilivyosema awali kuomba ni muhimu tena sana kuliko ambavyo wengi tunafanya, lakini nasisitiza kutumia njia sahihi.

Proposing is an art, sio kupelekeana vitisho na mistari. Kuna mpendwa mmoja, kaoa sasa, alimkuta huyo dada yuko kwenye mahusiano. Akamtisha huyo dada kuwa yuko kwenye wrong relationship, yule dada akamuacha kaka wake, ndio wakaoana na huyo mpendwa. Sorry but to me this is intimidation. Inaweza kuwa kweli yule dada alikuwa kwenye wrong relationship, lakini njia aliyotumia kwa mtazamo wangu haikuwa nzuri. However, sometimes the end justifies the means.

Nikirejea kwenye mada, vibuti vingi vinatokea kwa sababu kaka hakujipanga. Najaribu kukaa kwenye nafasi ya mdada. Kwa mfano, Baraka (sorry kukutumia hapa, just example) unakuja kwangu nakuita kaka, unaniamsha kila siku 11 niende prayers, na kunihimiza fellowship. Nakuheshimu tu kama baba Jemadari, kwa miezi miwili uliyochukua namba yangu ya simu. All of a sudden unaniambia una maongezi nami, tukutane Talma cafeteria. Mimi najiandaa, naweka na kabiblia kangu kwenye pochi, nakuja nikijua kuna vitu unataka unielekeze nikue kiroho zaidi (kumbuka kuhimiza fellowship na maombi). Nafika unaleta vistori viwili vya uwongo, alafu unadondosha agenda unataka niwe mkeo

In actual sense, nitakutolea macho, "because I didnt expect that, it was very premature." "I mean how" nikuelewe, sijawahi hata siku moja kuwaza utatokea upande huo. Kwa akili zangu, na "understanding" yangu, nitakumwaga tu

'Guys' nilishawahi kufanya hii 'mistake', nilim-propose mdada very prematurely, nikamuweka kwenye 'hard time' sana. When I came to realize nikamwambia awe na amani, like it never happened. Alikuwa ananiheshimu sana, na maamuzi sahihi ilikuwa ni kunimwaga. Lakini sasa anawaza akinimwaga atakuwa kanikosea heshima na akinikubali atakuwa hajajitendea haki, she don't feel me. Akawa "so down", akakosa amani sana. Ikabidi ni-withdraw proposal yangu. It was real embarrassing.

Katika hili nashauri yafuatayo;

1. Establish a relationship with a person, communicate. Huyu dada akujue, akuzoee, akufahamu japo kwa uchache. Yaani "don't be formal, but casual." Hii haimaanishi uwe comedian, lakini kuwe na casual relationship between you.

2. Win her heart. Hapa ndio kuna shughuli hapa, winning someone's heart. This will stay forever. Sasa you dont win her heart by money or gifts, but by affections. Ukiamka asubuhi wish her good morning. Usiku don't go to sleep without telling good night. Siku moja moja mtegee uone kama una-win kwa yeye kukutafuta. Akiwa na tukio show concern, be there if possible. Sio unatuma maandiko tu. Maandiko yana-win Roho, ila kinachopenda ni moyo

Wish her happy birthday, send her a birthday card. Hivi vyoote ni vya kawaida tu, anyone can do to anybody, lakini ile "frequency" ya kuvifanya vinamfanya huyu dada akuwaze, akufikirie, na akuone kila wakati. Hapa ndio utaskia "yule kaka ana care". When u hear that, somehow u have won somebody's heart. She dont want to see how intelligent and God fearing you are, she want to see how much you care!

3. Muoneshe kuwa unampenda. Sijasema mwambie, nimesema muoneshe! Yaani huyu dada kabla hata hujamwambia kuwa unampenda, anatakiwa ajue unampenda, angalau awe na hiyo "clue". Katika hatua hii, fanya vitu vichache vinavyoonesha u-special kwake, na ajue kuwa that is special for her. Kama hakupendi, basi utaona ata-retreat. Ikitokea hiyo ama urudi kwenye #2 hapo juu au usepe, ukijua kuwa hii "mission" haina matunda. Hii itaepusha "embarassment" za kibuti, mtaachana mkiwa hamjaambiana.

Ukifanya hiyo #2 vizuri, hii ya #3 itakuja vizuri sana. Kabla hata hujaanza kumuonesha unampenda utaona response yake, badala ya wewe kumtafuta sana utaona mnatafutana. Ukiingiza #3 hapo utaona tu mambo yanaweka tick ✅

Jambo la msingi hapa ni kwamba, huyu dada akikukubali hapo #2 basi chukua hatua umuoneshe unampenda, mfanyie vitu ambavyo bila chenga atajua huyu kaka ananipenda. Mara nyingi hapa wadada wanashindwa kujizuia, usipomwambia atakwambia. Hii itakuwa na maana umeremba sana mwandiko mpaka peni ikatapika.

4. Sasa njia nyeupe, kupeleka proposal au kukimbia mission. Hii ina maana, kama #1 imekuruhusu kwenda #2, na #2 imetengeneza njia ya #3 vizuri, basi njia ni nyeupe kwenda kuweka hoja, na wala hutakuwa na wasiwasi kwasababu unajua matokeo, Chelsea vs Yanga

Kama nilivyosema awali, proposing is an art, kwahiyo ukicheza vizuri hapa kamwe hutakaa ukione kibuti kinafananaje.

Pamoja na ufundi wote huu, ni muhimu SANA kuomba in the process, kwani hii sio guarantee ya kupata mke mwema. Kumbuka, sikuwa nazungumzia jinsi ya kupata mke mwema, bali nazungumzia how to do it right.

Kuna watu wamepishana na wake zao kwa kufanya proposal zao vibaya, very bad. Yaani ukweli ni kwamba mdada ni mzuri (right), na wewe ni mzuri, na together you can make good couple. Lakini kwa sababu tu hukumu-affect (love is affection), mnapishana. Maskini hajui kwamba you are the right guy for her, wewe unajua she is the right girl for you, mnapishana. It is your responsibility to let her know, by process.

Nitoe "caution" hapa, mkaka ukimu-entertain mdada yeyote katika njia hiyo she will fall in the trap, na kama huna mpango naye utamuumiza sana.

Kwa kumalizia niseme tu kuwa, your wife is going to be your best friend, a soul-mate. Hiyo "process" hapo ni muhimu sana kumfanya awe hivyo. Yaani mke wako lazima akutofautishe wewe na kaka zake. Na wewe lazima umtofautishe na dada zako. It is not by responsibility, but by affection. Yaani kuna vile mke wangu akitokea moyo unaruka, tofauti kabisa na mdada yeyote. Na kuna vile namuona mke wangu nikiwepo, I am the only person no matter how many are in the place. Hii haitokei "naturally", inatengenezwa.

I had to propose to my wife 2 months before plan kwa sababu niliona nisipofanya hivyo she will break the ice, na wengine hatupendi wadada ndio watuambie wame-fall.

Love surpass all, upendo ndio humfanya mtu ku-move mountains. What makes your woman to choose u instead of her job (sometimes), you instead of her relatives, you instead of the movie superstars, you instead of high profile MPs, etc, is how much you invested in her heart. Maandiko yanasema, palipo na mapendo vinono vinakaa pembeni, mboga ya majani inatosha kabisaa.

Nimezungumza sana upande wa wakaka, ikimpendeza Mungu nitazungumza upande wa wadada, hasa kwanini wanakaa kwenye relationship muda mrefu bila kuwa na uhakika kama huyo kaka atamuoa au la

Mungu awabariki

Sir Azgard